It’s always there.
Slinking in the corner of my sight; visible, yet, at the same time, I cannot make out its shape.It looks like a boar: a wild and crazed boar with murder in its eyes. Made not of flesh and fur, this animal, this creature lurks at the edge of my sight made of shadows that are ever moving, ever changing, ever threatening. From the shadows of its body, rays of darkness flow. These rays threaten to envelop my entire sight. What scares me the most of this monster is not its shape or composition or all-consuming darkness but rather its inactivity. This fiend in my vision simply sits there, waiting. It taunts me; it calls me to itself, yet when I turn, it’s moved somewhere else. I can’t ever catch it, can’t ever fully see it. Only glimpses. Oh how horrifying it would be to fully see that wicked thing!
It’s slowly destroying me by doing nothing. This fiend turns me into its own weapon. Frustration grips me because I can’t rid myself of this thing. Fear cripples me because I’m weak to do anything about it. Annoyance picks at my mind because this creature will not leave. These flaws in perfect magnification serve to blockade any joy, any happiness, any growth in my life.
It’s always there.
What is this fiend? Why does this unnamed entity seek my destruction? What did I do to evoke such malice?
GO AWAY!
Still there.
This thing is stifling me. This thing is suffocating me. I can’t live with this monster always creeping in the corner of my sight. The monster consumes my entire concentration. If I don’t rid myself of this evil, it will consume me entirely. I will cease to exist as myself. I will be an extension of the monster, a shadow.
I need change. I need something different. I need light.
No such hope exists.
I surrender. I surrender to you. Envelope me in your shadows. I’m through.
Take me in my sleep.
How strange. How incredibly and wonderfully strange. It’s gone! Lying here with my eyes closed, the beast is gone, and a light has taken its place. A perfect light. I can feel the warmth of this light on my cheeks, yet the light is so far off. It’s beautiful. What’s more, the shadows are gone.
There’s a man. A man is coming from the light. No, the man is the light. The light exudes from this man, yet the light doesn’t want to leave such a perfect host. With all of its might the light tries to return to the man, but the light knows it must herald its former host.
With tentativeness, I ask, “Who are you?”
In a voice so majestic, so wonderful, yet so powerful he replied, “I am Hope. Follow me.”
With a courage not my own, I stepped forward. “Where did it go? That monster?”
“Despair you mean? He can’t stand to be near while I am present. He knows that he is not as strong as I.”
He spoke truth. You could feel it in his voice. I was resolved. This man was to be my focus. With all my focus on him, not one particle of a shadow dared to touch my life. When I turned from Hope, Despair came back with vengeance and savaged my life.
The solution? Return to Him. Return to Hope.
Return to Jesus.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
most glorious day ever
Today rocked. I loved today. Here, I will post the reasons why.
Number One:
Higher Dimensions. I love this little ol' club. Even though we only average 5 people a week, it doesn't take many to change many. I love talking with those guys, and teaching them, and worshipping with them. It's a good feeling.
Number Two:
Macbeth. I absolutely love this play. Yes, it's Shakespeare. No, it's not difficult to understand. You should give it a chance.
(Warning the following two have a high nerd content. Beware.)
Number Three:
Physics. Path integral. Enough said.
Number Four:
Calculus. Integral = Summation. Enough said.
Number Five:
Book Club. We had a wonderful discussion today about The Fountainhead. We also ate oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. This combined three of my favorite things: discussions, The Fountainhead, and cookies. Doesn't get much better.
Number Six:
Panda Express. Though not true Asian food in any way, it's still delicious like whoa.
Number Seven:
Refuge. Tonight, I sat by myself. I could have gone and sat with people I know, but it was nice to just sit alone and focus. And think. Solitary thinking is always good.
Number Eight:
Snow. I love snow. I could go on and on about the wonder of snow: how it flits around in the air, how it lands ever-so-softly on your arm, how it stings your skin just enough to remind you're alive, how it melts on your tongue, how it creates a flurry so beautiful in sky, how it packs into a snowball to be thrown at friends in playful battles, how it covers your car as a blanket, how it's so white, it's unnatural, how it makes people never want to go inside, how it makes people jump around in pure ecstacy. Snow is the most glorious manifestation of precipitation ever.
So there you go, eight reasons why today was amazing.
Number One:
Higher Dimensions. I love this little ol' club. Even though we only average 5 people a week, it doesn't take many to change many. I love talking with those guys, and teaching them, and worshipping with them. It's a good feeling.
Number Two:
Macbeth. I absolutely love this play. Yes, it's Shakespeare. No, it's not difficult to understand. You should give it a chance.
(Warning the following two have a high nerd content. Beware.)
Number Three:
Physics. Path integral. Enough said.
Number Four:
Calculus. Integral = Summation. Enough said.
Number Five:
Book Club. We had a wonderful discussion today about The Fountainhead. We also ate oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. This combined three of my favorite things: discussions, The Fountainhead, and cookies. Doesn't get much better.
Number Six:
Panda Express. Though not true Asian food in any way, it's still delicious like whoa.
Number Seven:
Refuge. Tonight, I sat by myself. I could have gone and sat with people I know, but it was nice to just sit alone and focus. And think. Solitary thinking is always good.
Number Eight:
Snow. I love snow. I could go on and on about the wonder of snow: how it flits around in the air, how it lands ever-so-softly on your arm, how it stings your skin just enough to remind you're alive, how it melts on your tongue, how it creates a flurry so beautiful in sky, how it packs into a snowball to be thrown at friends in playful battles, how it covers your car as a blanket, how it's so white, it's unnatural, how it makes people never want to go inside, how it makes people jump around in pure ecstacy. Snow is the most glorious manifestation of precipitation ever.
So there you go, eight reasons why today was amazing.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Exhaustion
I have never been more tired nor sore in my entire life.
Not in all my days of gymnastics.
Not in all my days of Spanish projects.
This is the worst it's ever been.
I'm going to bed.
Hopefully, this feeling (and by feeling I mean pain) will be gone by tomorrow.
Lord, have mercy. Let it be gone by tomorrow.
Not in all my days of gymnastics.
Not in all my days of Spanish projects.
This is the worst it's ever been.
I'm going to bed.
Hopefully, this feeling (and by feeling I mean pain) will be gone by tomorrow.
Lord, have mercy. Let it be gone by tomorrow.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
i love sonic
Tonight was fantastic.
I saw Get Smart at school. It was pretty good. There were a couple times where lines were forgotten, but, hey, it's a high school production. Mistakes are expected. The humor in it was great! I laughed a lot. "Mr. Big? That's huge!" Killed me everytime. Will Sanders did a believable maxwell smart. Eliza Mclatcher was my favorite character, though, until the end. I knew it was coming but was still devasted when she was revealed a traitor. That accent she did... I wish I could do it.
Then we, meaning Phi, An, Bree, and myself, went to Sonic, and had fun with our car hop. That may be the most I've ever laughed at Sonic. I nearly peed. That was probably more than you needed to know, but it's there. Deal with it. "I want four minus one junior burgers." "oh, they actually gave us four. do you know math?"
thank you phi.
Then we hung out a little at phi and an's house. we all have dance moves now that can be seen at the snap of a finger. try it.
That's all for tonight. I'm reading the Fountainhead in bed until I fall asleep.
I saw Get Smart at school. It was pretty good. There were a couple times where lines were forgotten, but, hey, it's a high school production. Mistakes are expected. The humor in it was great! I laughed a lot. "Mr. Big? That's huge!" Killed me everytime. Will Sanders did a believable maxwell smart. Eliza Mclatcher was my favorite character, though, until the end. I knew it was coming but was still devasted when she was revealed a traitor. That accent she did... I wish I could do it.
Then we, meaning Phi, An, Bree, and myself, went to Sonic, and had fun with our car hop. That may be the most I've ever laughed at Sonic. I nearly peed. That was probably more than you needed to know, but it's there. Deal with it. "I want four minus one junior burgers." "oh, they actually gave us four. do you know math?"
thank you phi.
Then we hung out a little at phi and an's house. we all have dance moves now that can be seen at the snap of a finger. try it.
That's all for tonight. I'm reading the Fountainhead in bed until I fall asleep.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Original thought
Original thought is wrong.
The world screams this at us from every angle. When we enter into this world, we're taught not only how to think but what to think as well. Our parents instill values in us that we are expected to continue (children of Republican parents should be Republicans). Our religions teach us how to interpret religious texts and what that interpretation should be (Humility is this. Do not deviate). Our teachers present facts and how to feel about these facts (The Japenese we wrong to attack Pearl Harbor. We were right to attack Hiroshima.). If we don't accept our parents values, we're disobediant and unruly. If we interpret religious text differently, we're heretics and blasphemers. If we disagree with the common attitude, we're unpatriotic and disloyal to our great nation.
This is a problem. The ability to think freely is what differentiates humans from common animals. A hippo cannot contemplate the universe. A dog cannot differentiate an equation. A catfish cannot discuss politics. We can. To limit thought is to limit humanity. Moreso, to limit thought is to also limit uniqueness within the human population. Limitting thought creates an Oceania-type society in which everyone must think the same thing; if you do not, you will be removed or fixed. This scares me.
Why, then, do so many people get all atwitter when someone thinks on their own accord? It scares people. It shakes their beliefs. They feel that they must validate their own thoughts and ideas by debasing those of others. These people, those who are shaken by free-thinking, are weak in their beliefs. To you I say, stand firm. If you believe and have to reason to believe, believe! Don't let people sway you without cause, and a difference in opinions is not cause enough.
To you who believe, think, interpret, feel differently because someting inside you leads you to do so, thank-you. If you are being true to who you are and that causes you to interpret differently, continue to do so. However, if you do things differently for the sake of attention, that is a whole different monster to tackle later.
The world screams this at us from every angle. When we enter into this world, we're taught not only how to think but what to think as well. Our parents instill values in us that we are expected to continue (children of Republican parents should be Republicans). Our religions teach us how to interpret religious texts and what that interpretation should be (Humility is this. Do not deviate). Our teachers present facts and how to feel about these facts (The Japenese we wrong to attack Pearl Harbor. We were right to attack Hiroshima.). If we don't accept our parents values, we're disobediant and unruly. If we interpret religious text differently, we're heretics and blasphemers. If we disagree with the common attitude, we're unpatriotic and disloyal to our great nation.
This is a problem. The ability to think freely is what differentiates humans from common animals. A hippo cannot contemplate the universe. A dog cannot differentiate an equation. A catfish cannot discuss politics. We can. To limit thought is to limit humanity. Moreso, to limit thought is to also limit uniqueness within the human population. Limitting thought creates an Oceania-type society in which everyone must think the same thing; if you do not, you will be removed or fixed. This scares me.
Why, then, do so many people get all atwitter when someone thinks on their own accord? It scares people. It shakes their beliefs. They feel that they must validate their own thoughts and ideas by debasing those of others. These people, those who are shaken by free-thinking, are weak in their beliefs. To you I say, stand firm. If you believe and have to reason to believe, believe! Don't let people sway you without cause, and a difference in opinions is not cause enough.
To you who believe, think, interpret, feel differently because someting inside you leads you to do so, thank-you. If you are being true to who you are and that causes you to interpret differently, continue to do so. However, if you do things differently for the sake of attention, that is a whole different monster to tackle later.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Yet again...
I have decided to take up blogging again. I don't know what it is about blogging that interests me so much. I love to write, but I dislike people reading what I've written. Yet blogging has somehow circumvented this aversion of mine and has permanently secured a place in my life that I wish I had more time for.
And so it begins again. I've begun to blog.
I wonder how long it will last this time.
And so it begins again. I've begun to blog.
I wonder how long it will last this time.
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